It always catches up… March 29, 2007 at 10:14 pm

I’ve been hovering around 212-216 in the mornings and never over 218 in the evenings. Tonight I just got off the scale and it said 223. I ~had~ just consumed a liter of water and hadn’t visited the white receptacle yet, but after I was done the scale still reported 221. Remember that “hypothetical” red light number from last week? I’d say that I sailed past it. Today I was a little evil to myself as far as lunch was concerned. I had even planned on being evil for dinner. I was a pig. Much of those meals are still passing through my system and I am concerned about how much will “stick.” Let me put this in perspective. This morning I was at 214.4. That is nearly a full 10 pound delta. A good portion of that is water, but the other food is definitely a major issue and I REALLY feel it.

I am hoping that this will be the trigger that will get me to STOP binging and get back on the program. The result from cause and effect is generally effective with me. I am certain that I will continue to have “setbacks” from now until the ultimate setback of death. In the grand scheme of things, it isn’t any ware near as bad as I was 7 months ago. YET. It IS something that I really NEED to convince myself is BAD, but in the back of my head I keep on hearing what my dietician kept of saying during the program about how it wasn’t so bad etc. THOSE are words that I hated then, and NOW I really need to re-convince myself that I shouldn’t listen to them. It is too slippery of a slope for me to be on.

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